For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”(Psalm 30:5, 12 ESV)
Stop it! Stop beating up yourself like that. Stop thinking so poorly of yourself. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. What have you learnt from your mistakes? Poor choices or mistakes are intended to be our teachers. Every mistake, every poor choice offers an opportunity for us to become wiser and healthier. So stop bashing yourself. The awesome thing about God is that he is wise beyond our understanding. He does not delight in our failures or bask in exposing our weaknesses. He doesn’t play “gotcha” or find comic relief in our failures. God is not using you as target practice. You shouldn’t go through life feeling or thinking like a victim. He is not busy setting traps or obstacles courses just to see who will fail. Stumbling blocks are not “Land mines” that God has put in our way to cause injury or hurt. Many stumbling blocks are created by us, they have nothing to do with God. Don’t go blaming him for putting obstacles in your way. We do that all on our own. God would like all of us irrespective of where we live to have fulfilled lives with joy and peace bubbling over. “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25 ESV) God is at our side, on our side and by our side. He will stay there whether you want him or not. Moreover he comes running whenever and wherever you call. Amen.